Braver... Stronger... Smarter...

I'm not usually one for talking advice from fictional characters. But sometimes (quite often if we're actually honest) they do give the best advice.

I'm fairly certain that I've tested Christopher Robin's advice to the limit over the past few years though.

I can honestly say I never felt brave at the time. Overwhelmed, yes. Exhausted, yes. Lonely, definitely. Brave, no.

It never crossed my mind that the decisions I was making would be considered brave. From the moment she entered my life, every decision I made considered her in some way.  And they still do.

The decisions I made and make, keep me functioning, to allow me to build a life for myself and my LG. I made them on my own. Not because I wanted to, but because living in a small town, hours away from my family, prevented me from being able to talk to anyone.

I have definitely proved to myself that I am stronger than I thought I could and would ever be. The decisions I made were in my and consequently my LG's best interests over the past few years . They all asked for a level of inner strength I didn't realise I possessed until I needed it. And living in a small town, strength is definitely needed.

Am I smarter than I think? Probably. But after years of having to trim my chosen career in order to facilitate family life, I can honestly say that I did start to believe that I was, well, thick. That I didn't deserve my job.

Over the past few years I've been yelled at and sworn at for undertaking voluntary roles meant to give something back to the community I lived in.

I was told, emphatically and categorically that "You're not as f*%&ing great as you think you are." On a day that I was struggling to function. And not one person around at the time told me what that person said was wrong.

It's taken me a long time to realise that those feelings of worthlessness weren't true. But they still surface every so often.

Over the past few months, I've learnt that Christopher Robin had a point.  And I am a far more balanced person again as a result.

I still struggle sometimes. But, with the support of the handful of people who have supported me over the past year, I actually feel like I can tackle the world outside my window again.

Comments

  1. Awel27 July 2019 at 18:39

    You're definitely not thick. To balance work, motherhood and run a home is not easy and most of us end up making a compromise somewhere. The dust will be there after you've gone and I'm pretty sure St. Peter won't ask if you cleaned before leaving! Be proud of what you've achieved and don't apologise for what you do, because if you don't think they are achievements neither will anyone else. Christopher Robin does indeed have a point.

    ReplyDelete
  2. MamiRhedeg27 July 2019 at 18:59

    Thanks. 🤗

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Plus je vieillis ...

Image
One of my friends shared the Jamie Lee Curtis quote a while ago on FB, and, basically, it set my head thinking a lot. This year has been full of drama of various kinds, not least because of all the chaos caused by COVID.  As a result, this year has been hard.  Really hard.  Between juggling expectations, the constant moving goalposts, as well as general family life, this year has been one I don't ever want to repeat. I've learnt a lot about me though too.  And some of the things that I've learnt are that I am actually a lot tougher than I ever believed.  Yes, it's not always been an easy ride, and getting to the middle of December has been a roller coaster of epic proportions, but, generally, I have come out of it mentally tougher than I went in. I was struck by Jamie Lee Curtis' sentiments.  They pretty much sum up what I want out of life; to relax in my own home, surrounded by people who are supportive and that I know I can turn to when I need to, without...
Read more

When school feels a bit like the Hokey Kokey

It's been a while since I last wrote a blog post. Mainly because, as a family, we've spent most of our time together. In the house, juggling work, study, playing with a baby and home teaching a 7yo.  Like most families, that juggling act has taken a bit of time to get used to. But we've got there. With a bit of 'ooops' when you've got 3 TEAMS meetings overlapping 🙈 Now though, it seems that we are facing being forced to send our children back to school*. And, here in Wales at least, the threat of an extended school term, taking away our children's relaxation time because someone, somewhere, has decided that they are 'behind'. Behind what exactly? OK, we, as a society might have to concede that many of our children aren't currently keeping up with the target driven curriculum that has been constructed for them.  And yes, there will be a minority of children who really do need additional intervention that is realistically only possible in a school...
Read more

Lockdown Christmas

Image
  This year, getting to Christmas has been tough.  For someone who usually throws themselves at the festive season with gusto, this year has seemed a lot like a damp squib, for many reasons. This year, it's my eldest's Dad's turn for actual Christmas day.  And that means that she will miss most of her sister's first Christmas day.  OK, her sister probably won't remember.  But she will.  So we'd planned to do lots of the fun Christmas stuff before the day itself.  Except COVID had other ideas.  And our pre-Christmas out of the house activities were curtailed by the phone call from school telling us that my eldest needed to isolate for almost the entire pre-Christmas period.  So no walks to see the twinkly lights.  No trip to town to see the window displays.  No dash to the shop to buy the new star for the top of the tree. The final blow came when, a week ahead of schedule, Wales was plunged into lockdown-3 with only a few hours' warn...
Read more