Learning to Believe in Myself Again

This is another self-indulgent post. About me. Actually believing I can do things again. Sometimes. Not quite always.


I've only just realised that, whilst battling depression and anxiety, working and raising a small child, I managed to complete my postgrad, with distinction. And virtually no fanfare. Most people didn't even realise that I'd been studying, writing essays and had completed a research project, all in 9 months. As well as everything else at home. 

 Fast forward a few years, and the past few months at work have been busy. Really busy. And reminded me why I love my job so much. And that I'm actually good at it. Really good. Something I doubted for a long time. Something that I lost confidence in over the past few years, after being told "but you only work part time", "why do you need to do that". 

 Now, I just need to convince myself that I can sew. Because sewing relaxes me. But I haven’t done any proper projects for a long time... Because when I do, and people ask me to make versions for them, they suddenly decide they don't want them when they realise how much they cost. Because I'm not a 'proper crafter' so I should just make them to practice.  And that's made me think I'm not any good at it. 

 I just about believe that I'm OK at running. Not great, but OK. I'm not a natural runner. Never been a natural at anything vaguely sporty. But it's only now, now that I 'm not being told things like "you're still not as fast as X", "you don't half walk a lot when you're training", that I started to believe in myself. 

 I might not be the best at everything I do, but I've started to get my confidence back. And I'm pretty sure that making people feel like they're useless, just by not appreciating what they do or the time it takes to do it has huge, invisible consequences. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Plus je vieillis ...

Image
One of my friends shared the Jamie Lee Curtis quote a while ago on FB, and, basically, it set my head thinking a lot. This year has been full of drama of various kinds, not least because of all the chaos caused by COVID.  As a result, this year has been hard.  Really hard.  Between juggling expectations, the constant moving goalposts, as well as general family life, this year has been one I don't ever want to repeat. I've learnt a lot about me though too.  And some of the things that I've learnt are that I am actually a lot tougher than I ever believed.  Yes, it's not always been an easy ride, and getting to the middle of December has been a roller coaster of epic proportions, but, generally, I have come out of it mentally tougher than I went in. I was struck by Jamie Lee Curtis' sentiments.  They pretty much sum up what I want out of life; to relax in my own home, surrounded by people who are supportive and that I know I can turn to when I need to, without...
Read more

When school feels a bit like the Hokey Kokey

It's been a while since I last wrote a blog post. Mainly because, as a family, we've spent most of our time together. In the house, juggling work, study, playing with a baby and home teaching a 7yo.  Like most families, that juggling act has taken a bit of time to get used to. But we've got there. With a bit of 'ooops' when you've got 3 TEAMS meetings overlapping 🙈 Now though, it seems that we are facing being forced to send our children back to school*. And, here in Wales at least, the threat of an extended school term, taking away our children's relaxation time because someone, somewhere, has decided that they are 'behind'. Behind what exactly? OK, we, as a society might have to concede that many of our children aren't currently keeping up with the target driven curriculum that has been constructed for them.  And yes, there will be a minority of children who really do need additional intervention that is realistically only possible in a school...
Read more

Lockdown Christmas

Image
  This year, getting to Christmas has been tough.  For someone who usually throws themselves at the festive season with gusto, this year has seemed a lot like a damp squib, for many reasons. This year, it's my eldest's Dad's turn for actual Christmas day.  And that means that she will miss most of her sister's first Christmas day.  OK, her sister probably won't remember.  But she will.  So we'd planned to do lots of the fun Christmas stuff before the day itself.  Except COVID had other ideas.  And our pre-Christmas out of the house activities were curtailed by the phone call from school telling us that my eldest needed to isolate for almost the entire pre-Christmas period.  So no walks to see the twinkly lights.  No trip to town to see the window displays.  No dash to the shop to buy the new star for the top of the tree. The final blow came when, a week ahead of schedule, Wales was plunged into lockdown-3 with only a few hours' warn...
Read more