The Working-SAHM guilt...



When I was pregnant with my lg (7 years ago now... Eeek). I never felt like I belonged in any way to a pregnant Mam club.

 None of my friends were pregnant nor had babies at the time. I was 100+ miles and 2.5 hours away from family, and never really got to feel the excitement of being pregnant. If I'm honest, I hated it.

 Lots of comments about how big I was, how I'd never manage to lose the baby weight if I ate certain things, how friends with older children were still carrying weight years later, made me paranoid about eating.

 I had no one to talk to who was in the same boat as me... And 7 years ago our ante natal classes were geared towards factual information about the logistics, not a chance to meet other parents with babies due the same time. By the time my lg arrived, and I was ready to face the baby groups, it was the summer holidays and everything stopped.

 I wanted to stay home, but that wasn't an option. So I went back. I cried a LOT. I juggled.

 The comments about 'only' working part time started to roll in. From friends and certain parts of the families. I felt guilty about both... About not working full-time, and about not being home. My career was seen as unimportant because it wasn't full-time, AND I was expected to do everything at home because I 'worked' fewer hours.

 This time, I'm enjoying being pregnant. The difference? Not being expected to go to work, come home and do everything. I'm less tired as a result. No comments about how much weight I've put on, no references to how I'll probably never fit my favourite clothes again.

 I still feel guilty sometimes when I leave my lg for work, on days when I'm usually at home. But, actually she's better off for it. Because it stops me from being the over-protective, paranoid Mam I would inevitably otherwise become.

 This time, going back to work after Bump is a choice I've made. And actually, going to work makes the time I do spend with my lg all the more special. 

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