Think carefully about what you say
I follow a page called the Depression Project on Facebook. The mistake you think, not only about the effect you have on others, but also about theirs on you. Today's was about the impact that negative comments and remarks have on the recipient.
For me, this struck a chord. The more you hear only negative comments, the more you start to believe them.
For years I thought, actually believed, that I was pretty useless.
I changed careers, because I didn't feel I was good enough. Thankfully I found a second one (and arguably now a third), that I am good at, and feel valued in. I'm lucky, in that my bosses have supported and encouraged me over the past few years, even when I was falling apart in other ways.
I started (but never got to finish) the journey to my Masters. I completed the first part, and graduated, but continuing, despite my academic success, was halted, as being unnecessary. Why? Because it wasn't compulsory and wasn't going to lead to promotion or a pay rise, so why bother.
I spent my 20s and much of my 30s being told that I was fat and unfit. That I could never do x because of it. That I needed to lose the weight I carried. When I was pregnant with my big lg, I was repeatedly exposed to comments about how much baby weight friends were still carrying years after giving birth. Comments about how long it would take me to get back into my 'proper' clothes.
Ultimately, all of this contributed to me believing that I was fat. To a belief that if I didn't lose the baby weight within a couple of months, I'd failed. Again.
I started running, but ultimately, until fairly recently, I didn't believe I was any good. When I started, I couldn't get around the block. Now, (without bump), I can. And more. But I still never felt good enough ... Being compared to people who had managed faster times decades before, told that I still wasn't the fastest person doing X because they'd done it faster before. I had no confidence, and really didn't feel like I was any good. I still mostly feel like an imposter in most competitive races.
The worst bit ... The negative by omission of the positive. I can count on the fingers of one hand the people who told me I was doing OK, that I was doing a good job as a Mam. And because few people told me that, I believed that I wasn't.
I believed that I wasn't any good, because that was I was told. What I heard. The hard part, is that none of this, on its own, is big stuff to anyone else. But when it's consistent, and builds up, it becomes big. Because if all you hear us negative, you really do start to believe it.
For me, this struck a chord. The more you hear only negative comments, the more you start to believe them.
For years I thought, actually believed, that I was pretty useless.
I changed careers, because I didn't feel I was good enough. Thankfully I found a second one (and arguably now a third), that I am good at, and feel valued in. I'm lucky, in that my bosses have supported and encouraged me over the past few years, even when I was falling apart in other ways.
I started (but never got to finish) the journey to my Masters. I completed the first part, and graduated, but continuing, despite my academic success, was halted, as being unnecessary. Why? Because it wasn't compulsory and wasn't going to lead to promotion or a pay rise, so why bother.
I spent my 20s and much of my 30s being told that I was fat and unfit. That I could never do x because of it. That I needed to lose the weight I carried. When I was pregnant with my big lg, I was repeatedly exposed to comments about how much baby weight friends were still carrying years after giving birth. Comments about how long it would take me to get back into my 'proper' clothes.
Ultimately, all of this contributed to me believing that I was fat. To a belief that if I didn't lose the baby weight within a couple of months, I'd failed. Again.
I started running, but ultimately, until fairly recently, I didn't believe I was any good. When I started, I couldn't get around the block. Now, (without bump), I can. And more. But I still never felt good enough ... Being compared to people who had managed faster times decades before, told that I still wasn't the fastest person doing X because they'd done it faster before. I had no confidence, and really didn't feel like I was any good. I still mostly feel like an imposter in most competitive races.
The worst bit ... The negative by omission of the positive. I can count on the fingers of one hand the people who told me I was doing OK, that I was doing a good job as a Mam. And because few people told me that, I believed that I wasn't.
I believed that I wasn't any good, because that was I was told. What I heard. The hard part, is that none of this, on its own, is big stuff to anyone else. But when it's consistent, and builds up, it becomes big. Because if all you hear us negative, you really do start to believe it.
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