Getting ready for the new 'normal'

There have been a myriad of posts appearing on my Facebook feed over the past few weeks, all to do with the easing of lockdown restrictions. My friends and family are scattered across the globe, with different versions of lockdown imposed and lifted at different times. Even for those of us in the UK, the regulations and guidelines we are being asked to follow have diverged significantly since the initial announcement on 23rd March.

Most of the posts that I've seen are all to do with reinforcing the idea that we need to respect other people's decisions. To understand that each family / household unit needs to make the decisions that are right for them, that we need to respect the decisions made and allow our friends and family to get to grips with our new reality in their own time. This, for me, is especially complex due to the split / blended nature of my extended family unit(s), and the geographical spread of the people I've missed most.

For someone, like me, who has actually found lockdown to be more beneficial than scary, the idea of wading back into groups and big family gatherings is actually causing anxiety, not relieving it. Yes, I've missed my family and my friends. But (and it's a big BUT), I am nowhere near ready to join big groups of people, to be in small crowded spaces with no breathing space. I need to ease back in to this face to face version of normal, because it's a huge leap from where we've been for the past 3 and a bit months.

Like most families in Wales, we have had to pick the 1 household we will form the 'extended household' (bubble) with. Decisions that are fraught and difficult in big families.

For me, the relief that I am finally able to plan to see both my mother and my brother is huge. My Mam is the only Grandparent who lives too far away for us to see in a socially distanced visit, so for her to visit she needs to be able to come inside. That my eldest daughter is able to see her Grandmother, that my Mother can meet her youngest Granddaughter is amazing.

But that does, inevitably, bring chaos in its wake. For me, personally, it means that I can now see all of parents and step-parents, but with different rules for each set. My Dad, who lives a few miles away, is easier to see, but only outside. My brother, is allowed to travel and will hopefully be able to stay locally by the time the planned visit comes around.

This new normal will evolve and we will, with any luck, be able to extend our core networks over the next few months. If we're all willing to wait it out just a little bit longer.

Given the inevitable return to school for my eldest from September, I don't see how I can continue to explain why she can't go inside her Gramps' house, when she will be in a classroom with 10 other people.

My baby girl was born into the lockdown. In 10 weeks, she's never been held by anyone outside of our household. Only seen a small handful of people from a distance. She's never been inside a shop. The fact that other people will want to, and will be 'allowed' (by the guidelines) to hold her, is going to take some getting used to. And people are going to have to understand that she's not a parcel to be passed around to make up for lost time. Because the vision in my head of my baby girl being passed from person to person, because they all want all the cuddles in one go, isn't one I am comfortable with.

There are days I will be out. Days I won't. Days I will be happy to visit / have visitors. Days I won't. Part of us all making our own decisions on the path we take out of lockdown, is respecting the path the other person has chosen to take, as well as expecting them to respect ours. And, most importantly, respecting the other person's time and space.

I'm not planning a sudden return to lots of visits, to mass meetings with big groups of other people. But I am planning on getting used to being out, with other people around me, after nearly 4 months of near isolation and minimal interaction.

The new normal is going to take some time to figure out and get used to. But I owe it to my daughters to make it as pain free as possible.