Living with Anxiety

 Anxiety is a hard thing to live with.  It doesn't go away, it sits there, in the back of your mind, waiting to pounce, often when you least expect it.  

Yes, we all get anxious about something, at some point in our lives.  But, when those feelings of anxiety become hard to control, become a virtually constant aspect of daily life and affect how we live it, it's time to ask for help.  The first step on that journey is to admit to ourselves that it's there - because until we do, no one will be able to help at all.

Anxiety can show itself in both physical and mental impact on our lives.  It can mean worrying about the simple act of going for a walk, and that worry leading to feeling dizzy, sick or just increasing your heart rate.  For no real reason.  It can mean that you can't concentrate on anything for long periods, or that your sleep is disrupted.  Or it can mean just trying to hold back tears most of the time, and often for no discerneable reason.

The unfortunate reality of life with Anxiety, is that whatever you do, there will always be unintended consequences to your actions.  Trying to go out, can mean that you end up obviously stressed, and this then affects others around you.  When my anxiety is bad (it's always there, just sometimes it's worse than others), I get fixated on planning.  And changing the plan makes it worse.  That spontaneity that other people love, makes me tense and stressed. Other times, I can do 'last minute' with no problem.  

The hardest part for me is remembering that I need to be honest about when it hits.  Because if I'm not, then my anxiety rubs off on those closest to me.  Those who I love the most - especially my daughters.  My eldest doesn't understand why her Mam didn't go out much over the summer - because how do you explain to a 7yo that you just don't have the energy required to psych yourself up to leave the house, because you've not been sleeping?  How do you explain to your parents that just sitting in their garden for an hour drains you so much that you have no energy for the rest of the day?

There is no magic cure for anxiety.  You learn to live with it.  Learn to manage it in the ways that work for you.  Most of the time, you control it so well, that no one realises it is even an issue.  But, once it rears its head, you start over thinking, worrying.  

My usual approach is to bottle everything up.  Not tell anyone.  Be like a snail and hide in my shell.  But that doesn't work when you're raising children.  Not for mine.  But putting on a brave face and pretending it's not there really isn't the answer.

As a Mam you have to be strong.  Not because you always want to be, but because sometimes you HAVE to be.  Sometimes, you hide your strength from others.  You don't always see it.  But this is the strength that keeps you going.  Even in the hard times.  

And sometimes, that strength is just admitting to yourself that you can't do it on your own this time.  And asking for help.